10 years and 4 kids... what do I do?

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natti0170

Newbie

Posts: 2
Registered: 02-01-2013
Location:

posted on 02-01-2013 at 03:50

10 years and 4 kids... what do I do?

I have been married for 10 years this last Aug. It has also been 6 years this coming April that I made the worst descion of my life and had a one night stand with a girl I didnt even know. I have owed and will continue to own that. I dont blame anyone but that man in the mirror. My wife and I had 2 kids at that time and she decided to stay with me and try and work things out. Since then we have had 2 more kids. To this day, and rightfully so, she still does not trust me. I feel like I have done somethings to earn back her trust, but she reminds me often that she does not. Its been almost 6 years and its really hard for me to find happiness knowing that the person I do love, does not trust me, and that its my fault because of that. I cannot and will not ask her to "Get over it" I couldnt imagine ebing in her shoes. Now because of this lack of trust that I CAUSED, I feel so unhappy. I have let her know this and those conversations did not go well. Right now I find the only reason I'm with her is for the kids... I LOVE them to death!!

Do I leave her, hope to find happiness and try to live with the idea that my kids will come from a broken home?

OR

DO I stay with her, sacrifice my happiness, and keep my family togther.

Keep in mind, I own the fact that I did all of this. But I have tried to renew/rebuild things. That growth is not happening... what do I do??

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whydididoit

Newbie

Posts: 2
Registered: 03-19-2013
Location:

posted on 03-19-2013 at 12:07

Just a mistake...

Based on what you have said I think it is time that your wife forgave you and gave you some trust. If nothing has happened in the 6 years since then that should really be enough time to get over it.

If she is not willing to do that then I can't see any point in staying together, other than maybe for the sake of the children - although being brought up by 2 parents together being hostile to each other is worse than being brought up by 2 happier parents with joint custody in my opinion.

Here are some questions to think about:

1. Why should you stay in an unhappy and hopeless situation because of some silly drunken 1-off mistake that happened 6 years ago?

2. Why does your wife want to stay married to someone that she never trusts? Just to spite you and make your life miserable by putting you down all the time for a stupid mistake that is hardly the crime of the century.

And you meantion that you would feel just as bad if she did it. Well, how would you actually feel. As I see it there are only two ways to go:

1. Decide to stay together and make an effort to get past it. If that can't be done then it's time to move on. If it can, great.

2. If you decide that the hurt / humiliation etc. of being cheated on is too much to deal with then leave right away.

Anyway, just my thoughts. Good luck with whatever happens.

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ActionJackson

Member

Posts: 2
Registered: 07-20-2020
Location: Chicago Illinois

posted on 08-05-2020 at 10:22

Cheating on your wife

So you cheated, and you regret it. Let me remind, brother, that you are not the only person in your marriage who made mistakes. So you have to move on, leave the mistake behind you.

May not like this, but the first person you have to be true to is not your wife or kids, its you. Wise man once said, you can't take care of anybody else if you don't first take care of yourself.So the first person you need to apologise to and forgive is you.

If the old lady doesn't forgive, thats on her.

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