Dylan
Newbie
Posts: 3
Registered: 07-13-2005 Location:
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posted on 07-13-2005 at 21:13 |
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Not sure anymore
I am friends with a man much older than I am. He is one of the greatest guys I have ever met, and we have a really great friendship. We can and do talk about everything and anything. One day I decided that I wanted my first time to be with him and he very much agreed. We also agreed to wait quite a while, about 4 years. We have discussed the topic many times, and he always has promised to be gentle ect. and told me that it's up to me to decide when. He has always told me that if at ANY point I change my mind, to tell him and it was fine, it's my decision to make and he will respect my choice either way. Basically it's up to me to call all the shots. Now all of that is what I want. The problem is that we are just friends, so we can and sometimes do date other people, currently he is dating a girl that he is considering marrying(due to her constant pressure for him to marry her.) He went through a bad divorce a few years ago, and pretty much after that gave up on marrying for love. We have never considered marriage due to me being so much younger than him. Now my whole problem with this is he asked me if we still could have sex if he marries her. I told him that I need to think about it. I really want my first time to be with him, but I can't believe he's willing to break his marriage vows over it, actually that kind of upsets me. I'm afriad that if I say no he'll just wait and marry her afterwards. The other thing that bothers me, is that the other day he told me he doesn't care if I meet someone else(as in the "one") and lose it to them, but that he still wants to be with me even if it's only once. He needs me just once. He even said that he doesn't care if we're both married. Now I have a huge problem with that and told him so, my mother constantly cheated on my father, and I told him I would never do that, I don't believe in cheating, and will never do it. He told me that was fine, but again asked me if I would, if HE was married, I again told him I'd have to think about it. Now I really don't know what to do, I really care about him, and trust him, and I really do want my first time to be with him, but I can't believe that he said he needs me just once. What does that mean?Just that once and then I don't mean anything anymore? Now when he said this we were online and it was pretty late so there is the possiblity that he was drunk, but still. One time he told me that I would always be special to him because I would be his first virgin, I guess that was supposed to make me happy, instead I was so upset that that's why I was special to him. The other thing that I should probably mention is that he has had numerous sexual relationships, I can think of 6 easily, some of them he is still friends with, others he never talks to, and one he still has a sexual relationship with every now and then. I don't want to be put on that list of girls he had a thing with, he always told me I was different from the rest, in that, for the first time since his ex-wife he feels for someone the way he feels about me. I don't know what to do. I do want him to be my first, but I don't want to be the stupid girl that fell for the "I have feelings for you" line. I guess my main problem is that I do have feelings for him and I would really like to think he has them to. I do want him to be my first, but I'm just worried about making a mistake or a fool of myself. Please help, any input would be greatly appreciated.
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posted on 08-12-2005 at 21:39